Archive for the ‘work’ Category

Things are changing

I am sorry to all my readers that I havent posted in a while, I have had my birthday (thanks to all who stopped by and said happy birthday) and some major changes in my life.

The first major change is that I will be giving up working for a while.  My doctor has given me a medical certificate to quit working nights so I no longer have that stress on my body and weak mind.  Working 4 nights out of 5 in that place was enough to make me seriously upset as you have been a testament to on this blog.

I now have some major things to do to ensure I end up with some government assistance for a while till I can find a day job that is 9 to 5 instead of whatever hour they wanted to work me.

Second major change has been my sleeping patterns are going back to normal, I am now sleeping most the night and not during the day which is good and not working nights is helping that no end.

So all in all a couple of things going on, i will know more on Monday about where i sit financially but it looks like I will actually be better off on government assistance than I was working.  Strange but true.

OK thats all from me for now, have a post brewing has been in draft mode for 3 weeks maybe i will get motivated and finish it this weekend.



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Been fiddling

Ok so you noticed another theme change.  I have been at it again, i like this theme simple and clean, and I like my new header picture reminds me of a beach I once had a fantastic holiday at.

Anyway today finds me in a far better mood, Im tired I will admit, did a big shift last night at work it went far latter than it normally would thanks to some breakdowns.  I still hate the place dont get me wrong.

So I hope you are all well this is just a short post to say hi and let everyone know I am ok, and that for now I think I have fiddled enough with the blog look and layout.  I also wanted to say hi to uncensored, and want to let him know I really like his blog, and i look forward to reading it its one of the first places I visit most days.  I especially like his current posts about his life I am finding them fascinating. Make sure you check him out, simply click his link in my blog roll.

time for me to be off


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Okay I am shitty as all hell, yes i have been feeling better the last couple of days..  thanks for asking..  No Im not sorry I posted the previous post, not in the slightest, it helped me get through another dark period.

Why am i shitty.. Fucking work again, I have worked Monday night 2.00am for the past 10 weeks infact it is my regular shift, something which i have come to expect and I know whats expected of me on the shift.  Well that was till last night we had 8 people and I was the only regular, everyone ordering me what to do, not being able to do the things I normally do, people pushing me out of the way and out of what I was doing, then getting accused of doing nothing.. For fucks sake, i worked my backside off especially since one bitch wont come withing 20 feet of me and left me with newpapers coming down the conveyer all on my own..  Fucking cow she is just cause I am gay everyone thinks they can order me round, and when I did stick up for myself I got accused of being slow.. agghhh I hate this job..

I hate small minded people I work with why do they feel they can order me around and its only been  happening since I came out at work.  What do they think I am some mindless poof who cant think for himself.  Fuck I am angry.  I have never been this pissed off at work.  I so want another job one that does not beat up my self esteem.


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Im down

Why is it I feel this way, low, feel like I want to hide.  I am sick of change in my life, I just want some time to be me, without stress, without worrying how I will make my next meal.  I am tired, tired of being on the move constantly shifting,  the longest I have stayed in one place in the past 4 years is 18 months..  I want somewhere to be a place for me.

Im down, I have had enough, friends fighting, why do they put me in the middle, im the one who is least likely to cope.  The person i want to talk to is to far away right now.  I just want to spend some time, nothing else.  What am I going to be like when your gone a month?

Im not coping today, the pills are not helping, someone come and give me a cuddle and whisper its going to be ok, because right now I need to hear those words, because I am feeling very uncertain. The darkness has returned.


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Got Work

Have work soon and sooo don’t want to go.  I so need a new job this working nights has hairs on it.


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A bit to say

Hi guys, long time since I posted, and no I haven’t dumped you all for the new man, have just been busy with a few things..

Well where do I start, its been busy had a great Easter spread my time between the new man and even got to see Zoe which I did not think I would get to do.. I purchased her this huge Easter bunny plush toy it was just so cute, anyway it went down a huge hit, apparently she did not even touch her chocolate till after lunch she was to busy playing with it. Anyway I suppose I should explain. Kelly and I have always had an agreement over chocolate for Easter for Zoe, she can have some just not the loads a lot of kids get. So we always try and buy her something different, for example the bunny and a Shrek toothbrush. I think Kelly got Zoe some underwear as well. There is nothing worse than a hyped up kid on chocolate. Trust me its not pretty with Zoe I have seen it. Plus she ends up sick if she eats to much of it, and she is getting to realise it as well.

Next on the agenda has been work, I seem to have not left the place. Its been busy and I have been working some long shifts which has been good for the back pocket and not so good for my mental state. Talking of which I have been asked by my psych to quit the job as soon as I can. I had a visit with him week before last, and it was the best visit yet, he seemed to actually want to listen to what I had to say which was something new for me, mostly my visits to the psych have been them telling me whats been going on. I was interested to find out some things about the medications I have been on and some of the not so obvious side effects I have been dealing with. For example the sweats I get from time to time and the tremors I experience in my hands. I was unaware that the medication I was on could cause those issues..

The new man has been wonderful and we had a great time over the Easter long weekend, we have 4 days here in Aussie and we spent the best part of 3 of those together. He even took me out on Easter Sunday. What I like about the way we have been going is that there is a level of understanding between us about what is an acceptable pace for the relationship to develop. Keeping in mind that I have only really been stable for about 8 weeks and I need to be careful not to get to hurt. Plus he is still recovering from things in his life as well, so its been a steady as she goes course between us, with lots of talking which has seriously put me at ease.

Had a cool experience today, spoke with Tony on Skype for the first time, and I must admit to going all shy on him, especially since we have been so frank in our text discussions. He wrote this post about me and to be honest I am flattered by it. I think its cool, although I will admit to being a tad speechless when I first read it. I think we are going to end up fine friends thats for certain.

Anyway that sort of ends this post, I have missed you all, but to be honest haven’t had much time to sit down and post till now with work the new man, Easter and Zoe all in the mix it has been very busy on this end. One more thing which will take the load off me is that it looks like I will be getting ever second Friday off now so I can have Zoe on a Friday Saturday night which will make me very very happy and not so damn tired.


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She is leaving… Wooo Hooo

Well the bitch.. see previous post, is leaving.  Wednesday is her last shift, cant fucking wait, i got told last night and could nearly not hold my joy.


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